I have been doing energy work and magic for nearly 30 years. I have "consciously" done it since my early teens. I have never been through complete training and initiation in Wiccan Magic, but making the assumption I've not been trained in or initiated into the ways of magic would be a very, very bad assumption.
In just the few training sessions I have attended with HP, I have come to the realization that there are aspects of his techniques of magic that just don't resonate well with me. In many ways, his form of magic uses first 3 chakras for fuel. It is a very valid technique, and it is very common when doing such things as tantra or improvised Kundalini (in this I mean the rising of the serpents from the root upward, but not taking them all the way up). Of course, HP would deny using such "eastern" techniques because this is "celtic magic". (since when did energetic biology or spiritual law function only for one people?)
HP is very driven by the idea of fueling magic with desire, passion and will (ego). His techniques raise energy up from the first chakra, to the third, and then amplify the energy before thrusting it through the 2nd chakra for manifestation. I see it in a spiral, rising up and forward, swinging back in at the 3rd chakra, the chakra flaring with power, and the amplified energy then exiting the back, swooping down, and thrusting through the second chakra and into manifestation. (a small, tight spiral) That's a very technical way of looking at it, but that's how it appears to work. For him, magic must fill the air with heat, making it heavy and thick. Again, this is not wrong, but it is very "base" to me. He wants everything driven by lust, command, and desire. For him, "we are telling the Gods what to do"... to quote "bitch, here, now!" (a simplified goddess summoning) The hubris in this astounds me.
However, I digress...
With as many years of experience with, and training in, magic and energy, I have learned a thing or two on how I respond to different forms of it and what that means. Though there are some commonalities in how people sense things, just like most people see colors in similar ways, energy and magic are perceved uniquely to each participant. This is one of the challenges when working in a group, or with a coven, because you need a common perception or way of working in order for the magic to be amplified and strengthened instead of being comprised of discordant tones.
In my work with "personal power", I have found that the expenditure of it, the use of it as the fuel for one's works, becomes exhausting. This is a tiredness that sinks into your bones and makes it difficult to function the next day. I dislike that greatly. For many people, this is the only kind of energy work they know, it is all they think there is. I know differently. When you fuel your works with power from the divine, from nature, from the gods, or "the source", there is no exhaustion. Yes, you might become tired, like after any strenuous activity physical, mental or spiritual, but the very act of channeling that energy refuels you and renews you. This is not the case with the works we are doing in class. We put so much ego into the magic we do that there is no space left in us for universal will, divine energy, reiki, or what ever else you want to label it, to flow through.
There is a feel of magic or energy that is derived from personal power. It has a particular "flavor", or "sensation" to it. The divine feels very different. For me, personal power is heavy, moist, clingy... sort of like the feel in the air when it is 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity. Divine energy gives me a chill. It isn't a bad chill, but is like a refreshing, pure, soft breeze that runs down my spine. Even if the results of the divine infusion is the flare of reiki power, or the raising of a temple, in the midst of that inferno is a core of pure, cool, peace that can not be ignored. This is the sensation I feel in the presense of the Gods. I know when HP and HPS have opened a conduit to the divine because I get that soft cool feeling. That isn't to say that all energy from the divine is soft, or gentle, or quiet. I have been present when it felt like a tidal wave of deep-ocean-water has just crashed down on a circle. However, it is, for me, always a chill or cooling sensation. Not all of our circles and sabats have been blessed by a full-force presense of the divine. I'd say they have all had tenuous attendance, and a few have had direct attention, but not every time have we managed to bring the divine into our tangible presense.
In training, I have purposefully striven to use only the techniques and "power" that HP has demonstrated and described. This has, for better or for worse, cut me off from my normal sources of power during our training. From now on I'll have to take time after training to meditate and recharge myself before going to bed. This "dragging my ass" every Tuesday Morning sucks!
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